Emotional Wellness

“Excellence doesn’t always mean flawless; it just means blameless.” – Stevie Mackey Too often we beat ourselves up for what we could/should have done better or differently. Sometimes our poor decisions of the past plague our future as it can lead to insecurity in our own decision making. The past should be used as a tool to inform and guide your present and future. If you are shaking your head at your younger self and some of the decisions made, at least that is a sign that your present self is wiser than before. I am sure you can think of at least one person who is making the same mistakes years, even decades later. The fact that you are still here today is an indication that your decisions, while not perfect, have done well enough to keep you going this far. Allow recollections of the past to serve as an opportunity for reflection and evaluation; not to be birthed into a self-loathing session. Always remember, you are beautifully and wonderfully made exactly as you are…bad decisions and all.

Life is constantly moving and changing. And each experience can teach us something about ourselves. At times however, there can be a fine line between enduring a beneficial challenge and subjecting ourselves to toxic or abusive situations. With a challenge you will find yourself in a better circumstance then you left off. Maybe you had to sacrifice or lose some things but you will ultimately end up in prime position to keep moving forward and winning. In the result set a toxic or abusive situation, the cons outweigh the pros and you will likely lose much more than you gain. Examples at work Challenge: A boss who pushes you to produce great results because they see your potential and want to help you reach it. Abuse: A boss who makes you work long hours when the only justification is feeding their sense of power over you. Examples at home: Challenge: Your significant other is under a lot of pressure at work which is causing them to be moody at times. Abuse: Your significant other is constantly using you as an emotional punching bag. It is important to assess your circumstances and ensure that you are subjecting yourself to an unhealthy situation. Challenges can be difficult but they are not built to destroy you in the way that abuse does.

Years ago, I was in a position of being unappreciated for my efforts and contributions. I used to be so upset because people did not acknowledge my hard work. One day after much prayer, I came to one very powerful realization that has helped me in so many ways: "You cannot always choose what happens to you. You can choose how you respond to it." I realized that I couldn't make them treat me any differently, but I could choose to not let it impact me in such a negative way. Emotional intelligence is "the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically." Some people think emotional intelligence is not having or expressing emotional, but emotions are such a special aspect of our humanity which we should experience. Practicing emotional intelligence allows us to experience emotion without being overcome by them. Whether its people, events, or circumstances, at some point in this journey of life, we will experience things that are undesirable and unpleasant. And we have the power within ourselves to determine the impact we allow those experiences to have over us. Over the next few weeks we will explore the five aspects of emotional intelligence and what we can do to practice them in our everyday lives.

Taking on something new can be daunting. We question whether we will succeed, if we have the right tools, or if we're truly ready for it. Often the biggest battle we fight is within our minds. To overcome the doubt and second guessing, I would highly recommend you look back on the things you've already conquered. No matter how big or small, you've succeeded in some way. And it is likely that every victory, and even every failure, has equipped you with some tools which have prepared you to take on this new venture. Do your homework and be sure you have all the skills and/or resources needed. Be prepared to accept when things don't go as planned. Don't let a bump on the road cause you to cancel the whole trip. Appreciate every step and milestone. The sooner you take the first step, the sooner you will be victorious. You can. You will. And in the near future you will say, "I did."

Pride is a double edged sword. Being proud of our culture, family, and hard work are all examples of how pride can function as an inspiration to ourselves and others. But there are instances when pride can be detrimental to our personal growth, relationships, and experiences. My mother said to me that the center of pride is "I" and it can sometimes inhibit our receptiveness of the thoughts and ideas of others. We all have experiences, ideals, and passions which guide and mold who we are and become. But we must not allow fear and judgment of the unfamiliar to prevent us from learning about new and different realities or ways of life. Choosing to understand does not have to be equivalent to adopting a different opinion. And a viewpoint or perspective that has been realized through contrasting life circumstances is not necessarily wrong but may just present a growth opportunity for all parties involved. The willingness to put detrimental pride to the side allows for an exponential amount of learning and growth. As we begin 2020, I challenge you to consider how can you promote a future of open mindedness within your sphere of influence.

At the end of teaching my cycle classes, I often encourage my students to spread love as they go through their week and realize that those who spread negativity are the ones who need it most. I like to think that energy is important and we often give what we choose to absorb. Whether voluntarily or not, some people spread negativity without even realizing the source of what they are projecting. With everything we take in from the news, social media, an everyday interactions, we are bombarded with more things that could weigh us down and not lift us up. It takes a conscious effort but it is possible to not let the negativity stick or get so deeply rooted that it impacts how you deal with the rest of the world. And instead we could choose to receive and be replenished by the positivity we experience daily. And when we come across those who are acting from a negative place, instead of reciprocating in kind, we could give them the thing that they were missing all along: love.

As much as we'd like to, we can't ignore our emotions. Quite often society will tell us we are somehow weak when we show emotion. "Big girls/boys don't cry" is a rhetoric often imposed on us in childhood and its undertone tends to follow us throughout adulthood. On a surface level, some would say it is simply encouraging kids to not cry about everything that upsets them. But without proper context of further conversation to help develop their emotional intelligence, children could walk away thinking their age alone is the reason why they cannot show emotion. Not only is this unrealistic, but it can be damaging to the emotional wellness of an individual. Not knowing how to process and cope with emotion can lead to a number of issues including depression and addiction. Instead of focusing on not crying or not being sad/hurt, we should take time to understand what we are feeling and why we are feeling it. And we should encourage and help others to do the same. Sometimes through reflection we can understand what caused us to feel certain ways and assess if there are deeper rooted issues we should work through. Or we could determine we just need to let out a good cry before we pick up and move to the next step. Regardless of the outcome or conclusions made, we should never accept the idea of ignoring or sweeping emotions under the rug.

"The reason I believe our sight declines after a certain age is because it allows us to still see ourselves as attractively as we did in our younger years." -O. Pichardo When I heard the statement above it made me think about how our viewpoint greatly impacts what, when, why, and how we do the things that we do. Whether we choose to see the beauty in ourselves will determine how we care for ourselves. And this is not limited to the external, but includes internal beauty as well. It's easy to pick apart the things that we determine as "wrong" with us: the poor choices we made, the alternate path we could have taken, or the person we let get away. I hate to break it to you, but nothing and no one on this earth is perfect. Every experience and decision are building blocks that allowed you to be where you are today. As you move through the rest of your journey, look at everything as a mark of maturity, process, refinement, and growth. You are exactly where you need to be. Now use those lessons to continue writing the most amazing and beautiful story of all time: your life.